Do you feel like you’re living life on “hard” mode? Are you constantly exhausted and wondering where others find the energy to keep moving along? Maintaining relationships is very hard and sometimes impossible? Or you’re feeling cynical at the state of the world and/or the state of your life? It may be Queer burnout! What’s Queer burnout you say? It’s a distinct flavour of burnout where the exhaustion is caused by the reality of navigating life as a queer person.

In order to better understand Queer burnout, let’s take a closer look at what we know about the “classic” and well researched work burnout. Queer burnout shares many similarities with this “classic” work burnout. They both occur due to a combination of environmental (external) and personal (internal) factors. In work-related burnout, environmental or external factors contributing to burnout refer to the work culture in a given workplace and usually include: too much work, unrealistic expectations, unfair or inequitable working conditions, lack of recognition or appreciation and lack of supportive work relationships. The environmental or external factors also encompass the dominant systemic “hustle” culture we live in (re: capitalism). It’s important to highlight this macro-level “hustle” culture for two main reasons:

1) We need to recognize that even when we are working in a healthy work environment, we are still exposed to factors contributing to work burnout by virtue of growing up in a society dominated by capitalism and hustle culture;

2) The natural consequence of growing up in a society dominated by capitalism and hustle culture is we end up internalizing the principles and beliefs that stem from capitalism and hustle culture. This internalizing of hustle culture is what gives rise to the personal or internal factors contributing to burnout: self-sacrifice, prioritizing work over self, lack of boundaries, equating external results with self-worth.

Now you’re probably thinking “OK that’s cool and all, but I thought this was an article about how queer folks experience a particular flavour of burnout.” And you’re right- I’ll get right to it. You may already be seeing some overlaps between the factors leading to a classic work burnout and the everyday things queer folks go through. If the classic work burnout is the state of exhaustion that stems from living in a toxic work culture, Queer burnout is the state of exhaustion that stems from living in a heterocisnormative culture.

What does Queer burnout feel like? It feels like you’ve been swimming against the current and now you have nothing left to give. The simple act of navigating daily life doesn’t feel so simple. It feels like too much work and it actually requires a lot of energy- even the seemingly mundane things. Queer folks often face inequities and unfair treatment in their daily life because of their gender identity or sexuality. For example, gender diverse folks often face blatant rejection or discrimination when using public washrooms, when using ID that may be incongruent with their gender presentation (ex.: at the bank) or when trying to access routine healthcare. Queer folks often have to worry about their physical and emotional safety, for example, wondering if they’ll be embarrassed or harassed at the gym, at the pool, while using locker rooms or any public spaces. We have to worry about whether we’ll have to justify or explain our gender identity or sexuality while interacting with others, prove we are worthy of respect and basic decency (lack of appreciation). We are often asked invasive and inappropriate questions by strangers, friends and family and we are expected to respond with patience and academia-level explanations (unrealistic expectations). We are expected to educate, justify and explain those layers of our identity without showing signs of frustration, irritation or anger (i.e.: emotional labour). Queer people are also often underappreciated and wrongfully perceived as less professional or less competent than their cishet peers both at work and in their personal lives. We face higher social expectations and are exposed to more scrutiny. We are also often paid less than our cishet peers with the same level of education and competence. Many 2SLGBTQIA+ folks face rejection from family, friends, partner(s) or colleagues (lack of supportive relationships). Needless to say, living in a heterocisnormative world means queer folks perform a lot of emotional labour on a regular basis . All of this sounds exhausting, am I right? Queer burnout is real!

A recent study showed queer people are three times more likely to experience work-related burnout than cishet people (Kasprowski et al., 2021). Similarly, research shows queer folks experience stigma, social inequalities, 2SLGBTQIA+ based discrimination and violence, which naturally creates excess stress (we refer to this as “minority stress”). This higher level of stress experienced by 2SLGBTQIA+ is responsible for the physical and mental health disparities observed between queer and cishet folks (Meyer & Frost, 2013; Mongelli et al., 2019). In plain language, it means queer people have worse health outcomes than the general population, and it is the way society treats queer people that is responsible for this health gap. Are you feeling exhausted reading this yet? I sure am.

The natural consequence of growing up in a society dominated by heterocissexism is we end up internalizing its principles and beliefs. This internalizing of heterocissexism (or internalized transphobia/homophobia) is what gives rise to the personal or internal factors contributing to Queer burnout. Those internal factors primarily show up in how we relate to ourselves and others. For example, tolerating unacceptable behaviour in our relationships in the hopes of preserving the bond, tolerating unfulfilling relationships, one-sided friendships or dysfunctional family dynamics. Given how common it is for 2SLGBTQIA+ folks to face rejection and abandonment for simply being ourselves, the threat or fear of losing meaningful connections can lead us to put up and tolerate behaviours we shouldn’t. We become good at justifying it to ourselves as well (ex.: “my parents don’t want me to bring my partner to family events, but hey, I’m lucky because at least they didn’t disown me” or “my daughter doesn’t want me to express my real gender identity around her, but it’s OK because at least she’s still talking to me.”). For many of us, we learn to sacrifice ourselves and our needs in order to “keep the peace” around us (self-sacrifice). We prioritize other people’s comfort over our needs, wellbeing and safety. We believe it’s not ok to say “no” or to demand a bare minimum level of respect (lack of boundaries). Even more so, we can sometimes equate other people’s discriminatory behaviour towards us as proof we are unworthy of love or as a sign there’s “something wrong with us” (equating external results with self-worth).

In the same way a supportive work environment can act as a protective factor against work burnout, being surrounded with allies who explicitly support and celebrate our queer identities has the power to protect or mitigate other contributing factors to Queer burnout. However, in the same way a positive work environment isn’t sufficient to override the negative consequences of the macro-level hustle culture we live in, having a social network comprised of strong allies cannot shield us from the consequences of systemic 2SLBGTQIA+ discrimination. What does this mean? It means you can still experience Queer burnout even if you have a supportive family, supportive partner(s) or group of friends.

Signs you may be experiencing Queer burnout:

· Mental and/or emotional exhaustion

· Feeling drained and fatigued almost all the time

· Feeling overwhelmed or stretched thin

· Feeling resentful

· Feeling helpless and/or hopeless

· Feeling on edge, impatient or irritable

· Cynicism at the state of the world and/or the state of your life

· Feeling like you have to work hard to preserve your relationships

· Feeling like your relationships are one-sided or you’re the on putting in all the work

· Feeling undervalued, unimportant or “less than”

To summarize, Queer burnout is a consequence of the ongoing strain of heterocisnormative culture: we’re required to work way too hard at life all while being undervalued. Strategies to manage and mitigate Queer burnout are similar to how we manage and mitigate work burnout: we focus our energy at addressing the factors we have some degree of control over. That’s right- the internal or personal factors. Addressing and deconstructing our discourse of internalized transphobia/homophobia, working towards increasing our ability to set boundaries in our relationships and being very “choosy” about who we surround ourselves with are all excellent starting points.

References

Kasprowski, D., Fischer, M., Chen, X., de Vries, L., Kroh, M., Kühne, S., Ritcher, D., & Zindel, Z. (2021). LGBTQI* People in Germany Face Staggering Health Disparities. DIW Weekly Report, 11 (5/6), 42-50. https://doi.org/10.18723/diw_dwr:2021-5-1

Meyer, I.H., & Frost, D.M. (2013). Minority stress and the health of sexual minorities. In. C.J. Patterson & A.R. D’Augelli (Eds.). Handbook of psychology and sexual orientation (pp. 252-266). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Mongelli, F., Perrone, D., Balducci, J., Sacchetti, A., Ferrari, S., Mattei, G., & Galeazzi G.M. (2019). Minority stress and mental health among LGBT populations: An update on the evidence. Minerva Psychiatrica, 60(1). https://doi.org/10.23736/S0391-1772.18.01995-7

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Is Queer Burnout a thing?!